Thoughts Around the Campfire

Do I dare disturb the universe?

First published on Medium, Sept 3 2025

Do I dare disturb the universe?

I throw another log on the mental campfire, settle back and wonder…is it worth the trouble?

Yesterday, after creating my account on Medium, I spent some time looking up some of my previous attempts to disturb the universe. In one example, written to an account over 20 years ago on a neurodiversity forum, I mused about being too old to participate with all the 20-somethings.

Yesterday, I laughed at some of my thoughts, not because they were outdated, but because I AM STILL THE SAME PERSON. I can see the familiar pattern of my thoughts there, from so long ago, so similar to my thought patterns now.

I find that both deeply amusing and at the same time affirming.

I had expected to find a person I didn’t know from that distant past. But there I was 20 years ago, feeling aged and obsolete amongst peers 20 years my junior…posing the same questions and making the same observations that plague me now.

Last night I had a dream. I was sorting cards, shuffling them as if they were tarot cards about to be laid out for a reading, but each card was an image of a computer screen window, filled with writing.

My writing.

I measured out my life in the virtual world, once it was birthed. Starting in the late 70’s, as a teenager, playing with one of the first PC’s with that old gem, the computer therapist Eliza. Trying to make her say something original, a lost cause.

Before that…my window into the world was through books. My dream last night brought both of these together, screens on cards, cards held in my hand, riffled through like a book of my life, the pages ready to lay down.

Life is quiet now. I’m insulated in my apartment, most of what comes into my life is only what I allow. Because the majority of my life has been very different, very different indeed, the peace and serenity is welcome. The calm days embrace me, and even the sharpest memories have softened enough for examination without causing further trauma.

But there are still all of those thoughts. The cards I’ve held closely as my life unfurled, most of it a chaos of voices, situations, life’s demands. Always, underlying there was the sense that I WASN’T addressing the most pressing ideas in my head, and the realization that under the circumstances I COULDN’T.

Life simply wouldn’t let me.

The things I’ve seen, the things that have happened, the thoughts I’ve had and not shared. The burning curiosity that’s been my life’s most steadfast companion, constantly filling my head with the desire to know more. So strong that at times it felt white hot. They’ve piled up in my head over the decades. Some are cherished friends: people, place and things I’ve loved. Some are lessons learned: people, places and things I’ve lost. But mostly, by far the majority…are things unresolved.

Questions not yet answered. Observations, especially, unshared.

I throw another log on the campfire of my mind, and invite you to have a seat. Sometimes the stories will be funny and we’ll laugh. Sometimes there will be tears. Sometimes controversy, and we’ll lean in close to the warm blaze, at risk of our hair catching on fire.

I invite you to settle in and help me disturb the universe, here in the twilight of my life.

Gather, children, near the fire…but not too close.

Let’s lay down some cards.

Update:

Hello, Substack!

A new platform, a new campfire. New features to explore, new and interesting things to learn.

A question, if you don’t mind…Does it bother you to see older posts from another platform shared on a new account? I’ve seen people migrate writing from one platform to another and often wondered if it lost the immediacy it held in the moment when it was first published. I think perhaps that’s true.

Alternatively, it can be a sort of marker. This is who is speaking, there is history here, and I see where they came from.

I’m debating moving some of my more interesting work here. Or starting fresh. I’m undecided, and would love to hear your opinion.

In any case, this first little post made on Medium not long ago? Like the posts I found on Wrong Planet from twenty years ago that I wrote about in this little article…this is still me. One superpower the internet has given us is to have a snapshot of our past selves we can return to, like a diary found in an attic. A through-line of our lives we can revisit, and the delight of seeing our past selves frozen in time.

To anyone who finds this, including my future self…welcome! Let’s shuffle some cards.

With love,

Cassandra